Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
