so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
