I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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