Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
