What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
