I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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