dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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