my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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