It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
being pregnant is like rehab
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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