I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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