Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
