i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
