"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
