I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
