Swine flu. Run for my life!
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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