you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
