You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
