I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
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