just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
