if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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