i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Randomize
