Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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