I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
