Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize