Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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