Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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