i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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