I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
