She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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