dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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