please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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