Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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