Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
