if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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