in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
