It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize