So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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