Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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