Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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