We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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