Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
