captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
