well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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