woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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