i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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