Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
