He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
