it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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