That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
