Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
