Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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