Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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