i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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