I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
