Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
