Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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