i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
