you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
