If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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