she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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