Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
