An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
