well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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