Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
