With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize