So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
