I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
