I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
