That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
