Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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