I just cut my nipple shaving
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
