I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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